I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
