He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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