are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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