So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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