Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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