Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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