listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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