for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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