That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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