i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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