it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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