when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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