i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
