What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
