Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
