I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
