member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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