I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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