I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
