There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
