It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
