If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
