how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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