I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
