I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
