Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
