I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
