I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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