We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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