And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
