u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
