Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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