ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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