He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk is a universal language darling
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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