I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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