honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
