i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
