we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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