Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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