how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
