So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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