I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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