he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
