Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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