But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
