Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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