the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
