just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
