I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
