we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
