dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
