Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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