the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
