i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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